Promise of better health

alright everyone! I am goingto start using my blog to "journal" my workouts and lifestyle changes. In the past 2-3 years I have dropped a nice 20 pounds. Now I am working on tightening things up and shedding at least another 10 pounds. So.. my gals that are helping keep me accountable this is where you can check up on me. PLEASE check on me cause I have been very lazy here of late!!

Wow I suck!!!

Holy Cow! I did not realize that it has been so long since I updated!! Wow!!! I am just beside myself!!!

Okay school starts next week! YAY!!! I am ready so so ready! I also start my new job full time on Sept.1 and I am so pumped! I am going to be a chiropractic asst. So a quick update... maybe not so quick! I am going to put a few posts from Mia's caringbridge site...

So... we did not get any closer to answers with the biopsy! It is so frustrating putting her through this and not getting any closer. She has really been having a hard time with the heat. We are getting ready to start a new supplement that may help with her endurance and strength. It is a pretty busy month for us. She is going next week to get fitted for her own wheelchair. This will be used for those times that she does not have the strength to keep walking or if we are going long distances. We will see the Nerve and Muscle doc in August and discuss the next step.

Here is the big reveal....
A couple weeks ago I took Amelia to the ped for leg pain,cramping and tingling. He ran some blood work and one came back positive. So we ran some more.. one came back positive. So we ran some more... they all came back negative. So to get more specific the ANA and ANA titer came back positive. These are non specific tests that can detect autoimmune disorders. So the testing that came back negative was for the more specific disorders mostly Lupus! Although we are so very thankful that she does not have Lupus again we come so close to an answer only to slam face first in a wall! Her ped feels at this point we should stop where we are and wait to see if anything new develops in the next 5 years(symptoms and tests). Nate wants to stop ALL testing at this point. I am kinda feeling a little ganged up on. I am the Mom I need to fix this and help her the best way I can!! Nate says that the KC docs can pick one more test to do in their search but that is it. I of course disagree.. not a good spot to be in!
So where does that leave me.... PISSED!! I am not mad at my hubby because I know that he is just tired of seeing his baby go through painful tests. I am not even mad at the ped because I know that he too cares about Amelia and does not want to put her through more painful testing until something changes. So why am I pissed???? I am pissed because this beautiful,sweet and loving little girl has been allowed to struggle for over 3 years. i am pissed that this is allowed. I am pissed because no answers have been revealed! I am pissed that we have kept our faith we have lifted her to him and in his hands and yet she still is suffering! WHY???? Why does she have to NOT be able to keep up with her friends yet you wont tell us why! Why does she have to struggle daily to grow with the assistance of a tube in her stomach and you wont show us why!!!! Why are you allowing this to happen????? If God is so loving and takes care of his children then why is my daughter suffering, why has he not healed her or provided us with a name to the monster that is trying to wreck her body!
You can lecture me on what I just wrote all you want. But i will tell you this... until you go through watching your baby in pain, until you have your child ask you to remove the one thing that is keeping her stable because she has realized that she is different from her friends, until you have to make her wear leg braces even though she is crying because everyone else gets to wear flip flops.. until you go through that and not have any clue what you are fighting against.. well then you can lecture me on being mad at God!!

Well that is probably the jist of our chaos lately!! Some days I think that it would be easier to just curl up and hide! Then of course I see my awesome kids and I know that I fight for them and always will!!

Just for Keely :)

Oh girl how I have missed you!!!! I am updating this for you :)

Me

I am once again struggling really bad emotionally and am going BACK on meds! UGH!! But it will be better in the long run. Funny how hard it is to run a household when you are hiding under the covers.LOL

Mallory & Brayden

Doing great!! Very mouthy and lots of attitude but GREAT!!

Olivia

Doing pretty good. She got the nasty Flu but it recovering pretty well. She is going to see a sleep doc due to her CRAZY sleeping. ALL over the bed, talking,yelling and moaning. Praying it is nothing but not wanting to take any chances.

Amelia

Ahhh my Mia. Well next monday she is having a muscle biopsy done becasue the yfeel that she does not have CP but in fact has a mitochondrial disorder. This is where my anxiety and stress is stemming from. I will fully admit that I am scared to death. ASthma doc said today that this would explain her trouble breathing when she has a virus since her muscles are affected the most.

So that is where we are at. I am going to try and call you but if I miss you please contact me by email or something!!! OH BTW... are you on any Yahoo groups????

Mmmmmm Life!!!

I have not been here for a long time and probably should. I am sorry blog forgive me for neglecting you. So many things have been happening here at home. Some scary, some funny, ome annoying and some of course baffling. I am getting ready to head pout the door and start the first of many hectic holiday days! Sometimes I wish we could just slow down andanot have to do so much so fast. But this is life and this is how it goes. So I will stop and get a diet no-no, Pepsi, and start my day. When I put my head down tonight I will be exhausted but loving every minute and every memory that I made for my kids today!

My cup runeth over

As I sit here preparing for Olivia's 5th birthday I can't help but feel blessed. I am still in love with my husband, although at times I would like to smack him.LOL!!! I have 4 great kids that each brings something special to the family. Ahhh MY KIDS!!!!

Now about my Liv Grace. She was born fighting and stubborn, Born at 29 weeks the little stinker would move her self sideways in her isolette in the NICU. I would come in for my daily visit and the nurses would say.."Mom you need to let your little girl know that she is a preemie. She was moving around in her isolette again." The 4 pound pistol stayed 3 weeks in the NICU and came home only on an apnea monitor that might I add only went off once. Unlike Amelia this little girl was ready to join us and she has been running the show ever since. I know that God brought her into our lives because he had already chosen our family for Amelia. He knew we would need that little comic to keep us laughing.

I used to write alot of the things she would say down in a journal but then life got hectic and I stopped. She can make a face and have you rolling on the floor with tears in your eyes. She knows just when to let a joke out and just when to hug you. Just today she asked if we lived on a ranch or a farm!?! I told her neither just in a house with a yard. Her response... Ah man if we aren't ranchers than I can't name my horse Flicka!! I never knew there were rules and guidelines to naming livestock! According to Queen Olivia there is!! Despite the constant arguing over who is right such as, she thought her name should be spelt Oliiva. Makes sense you should keep the letters that are the same next to each other. After tiring of arguing with her I said enough I chose it to be spelled this way and you will spell it that way. She then proceeded to inform me that she was not going back to school, she was right she knows how to spell her name but no one will listen to her ever so she is staying home! Ahhh this is my Livy strong minded, kind hearted and an absolute gift from God.

Happy Birthday 5 year old!!

disconnect

First let me just say that I really need to learn how to spice up my blog!!!!!

Now, on to my post. Let me just say sorry to those who I usually make contact with on a website. I have not been there lately because of me... not any one else. I am having major menopause right now and can not get myself to connect with others. I feel like the only thing I have a relationship with is the fan, the bottle of wine in the fridge, and the kleenex. I feel like crap and it is my fault for not getting my replacement like I am suppose to. I do miss everyone online and in real life and I am really trying to do better. I hope all will understand and allow my hormones time to level out so I am bearable. i truly love all my friends and family!!!

Have you seen my body???

I feel like I have been running non stop the past month. There are days that my mind can't catch my body.. or vice versa. I am ready for some down time maybe a night out with my husband! Some weeks i feel like I am so disconnected from him and other weeks I am ready for a break from him. Go figure, you can never make a estrogen depleted woman happy. LOL!! So as I sit here typing this I keep thinking of how I am suppose to be doing this and that and blah blah blah. It will get done, plus if I wait maybe someone will do it for me ( I hate mopping!).
Well I am suppose to be putting together my resume to give to my chiropractor's office. I am ready to go back to work part time and bring in some much needed extra money. I have also decided to go back to school and get a degree... FINALLY. I am thinking of medical assistant for now then go back later when I have more time and get my social work degree. Pray for me friends. I seem to keep adding things to my plate yet I wonder why I get so tired!! Oh well I will need something to get my mind off of the fact that my baby is in school half a day. Can you imagine what a basket case I will be when she is in kindergarten ALL day. Lord help us all I will be a wreck.
I mean really why is it so hard for us Moms to see our kids go off to school??? Shouldn't we be proud that we have raised them well to the point they are ready to begin there education? Yet we sit there with a box of Kleenex, bawling our eyes out. I know that my problem is the feeling that they don't need me fully anymore. Just knowing that someone else can do the daily things that I always do. It is okay Mama.. NO ONE can ever do it as well as you do!!