Just for Keely :)

Oh girl how I have missed you!!!! I am updating this for you :)

Me

I am once again struggling really bad emotionally and am going BACK on meds! UGH!! But it will be better in the long run. Funny how hard it is to run a household when you are hiding under the covers.LOL

Mallory & Brayden

Doing great!! Very mouthy and lots of attitude but GREAT!!

Olivia

Doing pretty good. She got the nasty Flu but it recovering pretty well. She is going to see a sleep doc due to her CRAZY sleeping. ALL over the bed, talking,yelling and moaning. Praying it is nothing but not wanting to take any chances.

Amelia

Ahhh my Mia. Well next monday she is having a muscle biopsy done becasue the yfeel that she does not have CP but in fact has a mitochondrial disorder. This is where my anxiety and stress is stemming from. I will fully admit that I am scared to death. ASthma doc said today that this would explain her trouble breathing when she has a virus since her muscles are affected the most.

So that is where we are at. I am going to try and call you but if I miss you please contact me by email or something!!! OH BTW... are you on any Yahoo groups????

Mmmmmm Life!!!

I have not been here for a long time and probably should. I am sorry blog forgive me for neglecting you. So many things have been happening here at home. Some scary, some funny, ome annoying and some of course baffling. I am getting ready to head pout the door and start the first of many hectic holiday days! Sometimes I wish we could just slow down andanot have to do so much so fast. But this is life and this is how it goes. So I will stop and get a diet no-no, Pepsi, and start my day. When I put my head down tonight I will be exhausted but loving every minute and every memory that I made for my kids today!

My cup runeth over

As I sit here preparing for Olivia's 5th birthday I can't help but feel blessed. I am still in love with my husband, although at times I would like to smack him.LOL!!! I have 4 great kids that each brings something special to the family. Ahhh MY KIDS!!!!

Now about my Liv Grace. She was born fighting and stubborn, Born at 29 weeks the little stinker would move her self sideways in her isolette in the NICU. I would come in for my daily visit and the nurses would say.."Mom you need to let your little girl know that she is a preemie. She was moving around in her isolette again." The 4 pound pistol stayed 3 weeks in the NICU and came home only on an apnea monitor that might I add only went off once. Unlike Amelia this little girl was ready to join us and she has been running the show ever since. I know that God brought her into our lives because he had already chosen our family for Amelia. He knew we would need that little comic to keep us laughing.

I used to write alot of the things she would say down in a journal but then life got hectic and I stopped. She can make a face and have you rolling on the floor with tears in your eyes. She knows just when to let a joke out and just when to hug you. Just today she asked if we lived on a ranch or a farm!?! I told her neither just in a house with a yard. Her response... Ah man if we aren't ranchers than I can't name my horse Flicka!! I never knew there were rules and guidelines to naming livestock! According to Queen Olivia there is!! Despite the constant arguing over who is right such as, she thought her name should be spelt Oliiva. Makes sense you should keep the letters that are the same next to each other. After tiring of arguing with her I said enough I chose it to be spelled this way and you will spell it that way. She then proceeded to inform me that she was not going back to school, she was right she knows how to spell her name but no one will listen to her ever so she is staying home! Ahhh this is my Livy strong minded, kind hearted and an absolute gift from God.

Happy Birthday 5 year old!!

disconnect

First let me just say that I really need to learn how to spice up my blog!!!!!

Now, on to my post. Let me just say sorry to those who I usually make contact with on a website. I have not been there lately because of me... not any one else. I am having major menopause right now and can not get myself to connect with others. I feel like the only thing I have a relationship with is the fan, the bottle of wine in the fridge, and the kleenex. I feel like crap and it is my fault for not getting my replacement like I am suppose to. I do miss everyone online and in real life and I am really trying to do better. I hope all will understand and allow my hormones time to level out so I am bearable. i truly love all my friends and family!!!

Have you seen my body???

I feel like I have been running non stop the past month. There are days that my mind can't catch my body.. or vice versa. I am ready for some down time maybe a night out with my husband! Some weeks i feel like I am so disconnected from him and other weeks I am ready for a break from him. Go figure, you can never make a estrogen depleted woman happy. LOL!! So as I sit here typing this I keep thinking of how I am suppose to be doing this and that and blah blah blah. It will get done, plus if I wait maybe someone will do it for me ( I hate mopping!).
Well I am suppose to be putting together my resume to give to my chiropractor's office. I am ready to go back to work part time and bring in some much needed extra money. I have also decided to go back to school and get a degree... FINALLY. I am thinking of medical assistant for now then go back later when I have more time and get my social work degree. Pray for me friends. I seem to keep adding things to my plate yet I wonder why I get so tired!! Oh well I will need something to get my mind off of the fact that my baby is in school half a day. Can you imagine what a basket case I will be when she is in kindergarten ALL day. Lord help us all I will be a wreck.
I mean really why is it so hard for us Moms to see our kids go off to school??? Shouldn't we be proud that we have raised them well to the point they are ready to begin there education? Yet we sit there with a box of Kleenex, bawling our eyes out. I know that my problem is the feeling that they don't need me fully anymore. Just knowing that someone else can do the daily things that I always do. It is okay Mama.. NO ONE can ever do it as well as you do!!

Lord give me the strength..

I could finish this with so many different things! I often pray asking God to help me with strength, peace, comfort, wisdom, and guidance. Who in this time and day doesn't need help with these things!?! I really do try hard not to get upset and let things roll off my back, but I am finding it harder and harder. Lord give me the strength and understanding to handle the situation the way you want me to. I know this all seems a little confusing.. so let me get into it.

Many know of my battle about the way my Mother in law treats some of my kids. Let me add that this is also done to my older sister in laws 2 kids also. She seems to have a favorite child from each family, except the youngest sister. She favors the youngest 2 kids above all. I swear I am not making this up and I have been told that this was the way growing up too. Example, Amelia was always having her pacifier taken away and being told she was to old since about a year old. Youngest cousin is 10 months younger than her and when cousin was a little over 18 months she was still on a bottle. Amelia being 2 takes her bottle and takes it to the kitchen. Mother in law than proceeds to get on to her and makes her cry. I was livid!!!!! She doesn't understand why she can't have something in her mouth yet E can!?! There is a long list of stories I can tell you. In fact we had to finally tell them that Olivia was not allowed to stay the night any more unless they also let Amelia. I firmly believe that alot of it has to do with Amelia being special, she can't handle nor does she accept that she is a special needs child.
Now to what started me on this whole thing once again. Out of the blue Saturday night Amelia tells us that grandma spanked her bottom. They had watched the girls for the weekend about 3 weeks ago (see previous post!). Of course, big irritant coming up, they keep the other 2 cousins the whole time also. This is something they always do, despite watching them at least once a week they will not keep our girls without keeping the other 2 also. Any ways, Nate calls and asks about this. Yes she did swat her because she was throwing things at E. Now, I KNOW that my kids can be brats and are NOT perfect in any way. Yet, I also know that Amelia will not just throw things for no reason. She is with my sisters little boy(same age as E) at least 3 times a week. They will hit and throw and yell when one or the other has taken a toy, hit first, or thrown first. She just doesn't do it for no reason! she wont even throw things at Olivia who deserves it 99% of the time. I am so pissed about this. Luckily Nate is mad to. Unfortunately for my kids we wont be going over or letting them stay over unless 1. it is a family gathering or 2. Sister in laws kids wont be there also.
I feel like this is so mean but my kids are treated so differently if the other ones are there. I have to do what is best for my kids. Oh Lord please give me guidance!!

The Dial up Vent

So here I go.. I am going to vent all of my dail up frustrations. I am mourning the loss of DSL and am HATING going back to dial up. You would think that they would have found some way to make it faster.. or a way to get DSl out in the stix. I love being in the country. I love the quite, all the stars at night, the room for the kids and most of all no busy street with idiots flying down it. But I HATE dial up,Oh and the june bugs! It is not entirley true that this is our only option we could get satellite internet.. with only a $300 hook up fee! Are ya kidding me that is a freakin van payment!! So hear I sit griping and wishing I had a money tree in the back yard.

So now you know! I still love and miss every single one of you, I just can't get anything done. Seriously I have like little 30 min breaks to get on here and that's how long it takes to get logged on. Okay mild exageration, but so how it feels. I am NOT mad at anyone I just can't seem to get the time needed to catch up. I do check my blogger friends daily, just can't get the time for P2P. Oh and I wont even get started on trying to upload pics! Jiminy that is a super headache. Good news though, my insomnia is back so I may be able to get a little more done internet wise! LOL!!!